June 5, 2003

Table of Contents:

1. MTIPS Theme
2. Welcome Notes
3. MTIPS Development
4. Notable Quotables

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1. MTIPS Theme

A validation, on the other hand, has more glue. It sticks to the esteem of the "under esteemed" because it reflects the impact of the performance… We're all human beings trying our best to be the best we can be and sometimes it's just nice to hear a validation that confirms that we are on the right path.

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2. Welcome Notes

Welcome to Music Teachers Insightful Practices (MTIPS) Newsletter!

Thank you to all for sharing MTIPS with your friends and colleagues. As of this printing, MTIPS is being receive by 514 subscribers worldwide! Technology is an amazing thing! Who would have thought, back in 1988, when I started Music Simply Music, Inc, that I would be able to correspond and exchange ideas with people across the world! I love it! 

Would you take a moment to forward this issue to anyone whom would benefit from a positive ezine to assist them in utilizing their fullest potentials as teachers and students? Thanks!

And finally, a warm welcome to all of our new subscribers. My goal is to provide you with practical tips and insights that will make your career or education in music, more fulfilling, rewarding and enjoyable. Please feel free to contact me if you would like to see a certain topic covered in an upcoming issue of MTIPS. My email address is editor@musicsimplymusic.com

NEW FREE REPORTS! 
http://www.musicsimplymusic.com and follow the links to the FREE report page. This page is only accessible if you are a registered MTIPS subscriber. We have lots of information, and resources you can use. We're constantly adding and up-dating, so check it often!

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3. MTIPS Development

Lately, we have been talking about how small distinctions make big differences. This weekend presented an opportunity for me to experience this first hand. The distinction? Praise versus validation.

This past weekend was the celebration weekend of my fortieth birthday. My wife planned a spectacular weekend, beginning on Saturday with a wonderfully romantic day spent at a resort on the tip of Long Island. The weekend culminated on Sunday afternoon at an Italian restaurant with my immediate family. 

After enjoying a scrumptious Italian feast (I am addicted to my pasta on Sunday afternoon!), my wife asked my family members to speak a bit about their relationships with me. After a bit of "roasting" from each of them, they shared with me the impact I have had on their lives. And what an impact that sharing had on my life…

You see, they didn't just say I was a nice person, or a funny guy. Instead, they choose to share stories of how they felt about me and how my life made a difference in their lives. They didn't just praise me for my accomplishments, but instead, they validated me for who I was to them.

A small distinction, yet a huge difference in impact. You see, praise, often called "empty praise", is easily shrugged off, especially by those with lower self-esteem. "You played well." "That was good." Nice phrases, commonly countered by a quick, "No I didn't" or "I made five mistakes" on the part of the student. 

A validation, on the other hand, has more glue. It sticks to the esteem of the "under esteemed" because it reflects the impact of the performance. "I felt so relaxed when you played with those soft dynamics." "When you play with such speed, I feel like dancing." A validation is more specific. The person being validated cannot counter in a way that lessens the compliment. He must listen and hopefully, believe. 

And one final point, even those with higher levels of self-esteem could use a validation once in a while. We're all human beings trying our best to be the best we can be and sometimes it's just nice to hear a validation that confirms that we are on the right path. 

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4. Notable Quotable

There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.

Edith Wharton


Copyright © 2003 Nicholas Ambrosino. All rights reserved. Permission is granted to reproduce, copy or distribute MTIPS so long as this copyright notice and full contact information about the author is attached. The author of this issue is Nicholas Ambrosino and he may be contacted at:
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